


because saying 'i love you' isnt enough.

by eternallykiyoomi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, i did not read over it to i apologize for any typos, i havent been feeling good so i decided to write this, im sorry if this is sad :(, this is my first semishira work yay, this is sad im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:54:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24978739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternallykiyoomi/pseuds/eternallykiyoomi
Summary: whether you like it or not, things change.
Relationships: Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	because saying 'i love you' isnt enough.

**Author's Note:**

> i didnt read over this so im really sorry if theres any typos/mistakes :(

  
things change.

whether you like it or not, things change. like how trees change in every season, from green leaves to brown. like how the sun disappears behind a few grey clouds sometimes, and it starts raining. like how the sun and moon come up, and time goes by.

change can be good or bad. it can bring happiness and success into your life, or it can bring sadness and failure. it can make you feel like youre at the very top, or it can completely fuck you over. lucky or unlucky, change happens.

sometimes its hard to accept change. sometimes we find it easier to just deny it, to pretend like everything is still the same. we like to think everything is okay, and that its all fine.

thats exactly what semi eita has been doing for a while now.

semi eita and shirabu kenjirou have been together since eita's third year. it was pretty hard getting them to admit their feelings, it took tendou a lot of planning. but in the end, it was all worth it. they were happy.

theyve had their ups and downs, just like any other couple. they had their times where they were just so happy, like nothing else in the entire world mattered. just each other. semi eita and shirabu kenjirou. but they also had their times where it seemed like it was the end. they would talk things out, and eventually be okay again.

things were usually fine and good. they would go on walks in the park, read books together, eita would sing while kenjirou would cook. they taught each other new things, and have small arguments over which ice cream flavor was better.

eita has always been there for kenjirou. he was there when kenjirou became captain, when kenjirou graduated, and when kenjirou was accepted into med school. he was there when kenjirou was happy, when kenjirou was sad, and when kenjirou wanted to talk shit about some girl in his class. he hates her a lot.

kenjirou has always been there for eita. he was there when eita graduated, when eita had left of his parent's house and moved into his own apartment, and when eita had started a band. he was there when eita was happy, when eita was sad, and when eita was having a really bad recording day. he would always feel really bad.

everything was fine. everything was okay. they live together, do a bunch of fun activites together, meet their old high school friends. eita writes songs about kenjirou, and kenjirou writes poems about eita when hes bored.

change.

time.

time is a bitch. eita learns this. over time, things change. he doesnt know how he should take it. he doesnt know if its good or bad. it seems like hes stuck, on his own, doing his own thing while time goes by a little quicker than it did a few years ago. thats what it feels like.

time leads to eita writing new songs for albums, recording, going on tour, meeting fans, meeting a bunch of people, staying up late and having fun, and late night calls with friends.

time leads to kenjirou focusing on his studies, staying late to copy notes, staying up late to study for an exam the next day, meeting with taichi every now and then, drinking a lot of coffee, and leaving his phone off.

every night, they would exchange a single text that would say, "i love you."

-

when eita returns, he knows things are different. he knows things have changed.

hes never seen kenjirou this stressed before. locked up in their bedroom, eyes never leaving the notebook in his hands. one look at the boy and you would already know he hasnt slept in days. eita voiced his concerns and worries, only for kenjirou to wave it off.

eita is really worried though. kenjirou barely eats, barely sleeps, doesnt even talk much. he goes to his med school then comes straight back to study. he stays up late, trying to memorize every single page. he doesnt even spare a single glance at eita, and it hurts.

eita knows hes being a little selfish when he wishes kenjirou would pay more attention to him. he knows that kenjirou just wants to graduate, he knows that kenjirou needs to pass his exams to do so. but would it really hurt to give eita just one kiss? would hurt to greet him when he comes back home?

eita has been gone for two months because of his tour. hes sure kenjirou wanted to see him, talk to him, and kiss him. but he couldnt. because eita wasnt there, eita was performing somewhere far away.

he reminds himself this as he goes to sleep.

-

the change hurts eita. it hurts eita a lot.

kenjirou and eita live in the same apartment. its been their home for a while now, theyve gotten used to each other. this place has a lot of their precious memories. its home.

home has this warm feeling. happy memories together, a comfortable place, a calm atmosphere. its always been like this, eita loved the feeling. he loved their home. its always been the two of them living in it, lighting the place up with their smiles.

they still live together. but it feels like eita is living alone. kenjirou no longer sleeps in their bedroom, he sleeps on the couch. when eita asked why, kenjirou replied with, "i feel like when i study, i keep you up. thats all."

eita had shook his head and said it wasnt like that. "i really dont mind it, kenji. i miss sleeping with you in my arms. i love you a lot, okay?" eita had said. kenjirou only smiled. "okay."

kenjirou started sleeping in their bedroom again. but the same warm and comforting vibe was not there. eita did not fail to notice the way kenjirou had tensed up slightly when he wrapped his arms around him.

things have changed.

eita doesnt want to accept it.

-

eita is worried. very worried.

its two am, and kenjirou has not come home. he had texted and called his number a lot of times, and he has just gotten a very small reply. "im on my way back."

its very late. eita knows kenjirou was drinking with taichi, he knows kenjirou doesnt really enjoy drinking. but hes been really stressed lately, so he turns to what he thinks is the best option.

eita waits for kenjirou to return home. he checks his phone every now and then, just to see if kenjirou has anything he wants to say. his lockscreen is always blank, no notifications showing.

eita thinks about everything that has happened over the past few years. how their love went from beautiful spring flowers to dead autumn leaves. eita knows things have changed. he wants to accept it, but he holds himself back.

things are fine.

things are okay.

a small knock on the door and eita is already up from the couch and racing towards the door. he opens it and quickly wraps his arms around the shorter boy. "kenji, are you okay?" he asks softly. kenjirou escapes from eita's grip. he looks at eita. "we need to talk." a soft whisper.

those words. everyone fears them. you never know what they could lead to, what change they could bring. eita gulps. "what about?" he asks. kenjirou motions for them to take a seat on their couch, eita nods.

he closes the door and follows the younger to their couch. they sit on opposite sides, they look at each other. eita watches kenjirou take a deep, shaky breath. he cant stop himself from asking. "how much did you drink?"

kenjirou rolls his eyes. "i drank a bit more than usual, but i still know what im doing. i can still talk just fine." he says. eita nods, his heart is beating faster. hes worried. hes scared. time seems to be slowing down now, it wants to torture him.

"im sorry," kenjirou says. "im sorry," he repeats, only this time, hes breaking down into tears. eita moves closer to pull him into a hug, but kenjirou doesnt let him. "im sorry. im so _so_ sorry." he continues to cry. eita doesnt know what to do, or what to say.

kenjirou continues to sob. "im sorry. ive been so busy with med school, so busy with my studies. i go out with friends every now and then, but other than that im locked up in our room studying. i always leave you in the dark. we havent had a proper conversation in _months_."

eita is about to tell him its okay, hes about to tell kenjirou its all fine. hes about to deny the fact that things have changed once again. but kenjirou doesnt let him. he shakes his head as he wipes more tears away. "you know things are different now, dont lie to yourself."

eita only stares at the younger boy. "well.. what are you planning on doing?" he asks. they fall into silence, every second that goes by slowly kills eita. hes desperate for an answer. he wants to know what their future is.

kenjirou takes eita's hand before taking a deep breath.

"eita. you are the sweetest, the kindest, and the most caring person i have ever met. you have so much love for everyone you know. and i know it sounds so.. generic, but i genuinely mean it. i swear."

"and i know- i just know. im never going to meet anyone who will be as patient with me as you are. i know i wont meet anyone who will love me the way you do."

"you love me so much, eita. i love you too. i really do. but i cant.. i cant keep doing this to you. i cant keep leaving you in the dark, i cant keep ignoring you, i cant keep you in a relationship where everything just seems one-sided."

"youve done so much for me, put up with everything ive done. youve been patient with me. youve been understanding. youve waited for me. youve waited for a long time."

"kenjirou, i love y-"

"please. _please._ dont."

"dont say it. because saying 'i love you' just isnt enough for us anymore."

"im sorry, eita. i really am. i know doing this is just going to hurt you more, and i hate myself for that. but i cant keep doing this. i cant keep hurting you."

"im sorry i cant be the person who will love you unconditionally all the time, eita."   
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked reading :)


End file.
